New Brunswick Is Dark At Night

We have been in St Martins, New Brunswick for about a month now and I think we are beginning to settle in.

When I look back on our first two weeks here, it feels like we blew into this quiet little town like a storm and then exploded inside out rental home. All of the stress, business and trauma from the last few years came spilling out in the safety of this new space. It didn’t feel safe at first though, it felt different and scary. In just one month, God has revealed so much to me about my sin and His goodness. I have always prayed for wisdom and when God comes through on this prayer, its always uncomfortable and good.

The first few weeks I was fighting fear and judgment, it was on my tail everyday and I was trying to comfort my children as they grappled with their own emotions in this season of change. Our third week here, there was a turning point, Tyler and I started to see that we needed to make some shifts, the grieving of change needed to move into establishing some structure and rhythm within our home.

It’s been really hard the last two weeks to begin learning about healthy boundaries, creating new structures and finding our groove in this new, very slow way of life but we are beginning to figure it out and even start to thrive.

I resisted the change of pace so much at the beginning but now I am really enjoying it. We have one vehicle so the kids and I are home most days of the week. As I get re-focused on my goals and the tasks that are required to achieve them, I have become so aware that I was doing way to much in Ontario and that is one reason I felt stuck, unfulfilled and un accomplished in what I truly wanted to do. Right now, I am leaning into the slow and focusing on the work God has called me to, in this current season.

We have been so blessed with Tyler’s first project being minutes from our rental home, we eat almost all our meals together as a family these days. Elizabeth is happy to be home most days, she loves to be around home moving from lessons in the mornings to different projects in the afternoon. Evelyn is growing more independent as I learn to begin creating some new boundaries with her and also realize what she is capable of, as she gets closer to turning 2. Luke is very excited to make new friends and we have begun to plant those seeds at Tuesday afternoon homeschool meet ups. We also have him in hockey here in St Martins and hope that will help him form some relationships with local kids his age.

One of the first things I noticed when we arrived in New Brunswick, is how dark it is at night compared to nights in Ontario. Like its really dark! The dark scared me at first, I hated doing any travelling after dark in New Brunswick when we first arrived. It felt scary and made me feel sad and anxious. Last week I drove home with the kids 45 mins in the dark after being at the grocery store. We had gone to Sussex to run errands in the afternoon and I had hoped to get on the road to head home around 4pm but everything took longer than expected and we didn’t end up leaving Sussex until 5pm which meant we were driving all the way home in the dark. I prayed before I left and I asked Tyler to pray for me too. On the drive home the kids were well behaved, we were safe and I had a peace that surpassed all understanding.

The dark is scary because you cant see what is around you, there is so much unknown. I like control, it’s an addiction I struggle with everyday. God continues to provide me with situations to step into, where I cant see very much of the road ahead of me and in those situations I am required to trust Him. He is a patient God and continues to guide and carry me. It’s scary and uncomfortable to follow God and its also the best adventure I have ever known.

Love from New Brunswick

Heather