My Journey To Codependency Recovery

Codependency as defined by mhanational.org 

It is an emotional and behavioural condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

I read about codependency a few times in the past and my first thought with the word was that it was someone who never liked being alone and while that might be part of it for some people, I have always considered myself independent and loved being alone so I shut out any possibility that I might be codependent. God is good and faithful to renew our minds when we spend time in the Word Of God and he softened my heart and opened my mind, to help me become aware that I was in fact codependent. 

If you have known me for a long time, maybe you could see this and wonder why I continued in certain patterns, this is why we need help sometimes to grow, we get stuck in the middle and cant see clearly. 

For me, more specifically codependency meant I only felt happy and at ease, when everyone around me felt happy and at ease. I spun myself in a million directions trying to manage all the behaviours of those around me, in an attempt to create an environment that was peaceful and joyful by my own standards and doing. In this attempt, I suppressed and enabled the people I love which stunted their growth so I could try to be comfortable. In my codependent state I am trying to be God so I can be comfortable. What ends up happening is no one is comfortable, no one is free to express themselves, learn, grow and make mistakes and everyone suffers which causes more distress and more turmoil inside our home. Resentment and burnout was a weekly feeling because I was not saying how I felt or what I wanted, I suppressed everything and blamed those around me for not getting what I wanted. 

I needed to start taking responsibility for what I actually wanted for my life and speak that out and stand up for it at all costs. I needed to trust God with all that He made me to be, no matter how others would react. If we have accepted Christ as our saviour, we have been made right with Him and we can trust that we are held when we walk in truth, no matter how the world around us reacts to who God made us to be. 

I wasn't trusting the Lord with who He made me to be, I was suppressing and controlling her and in doing that, controlling everyone around me. Once all of this was revealed to me I wanted to change because I could see and feel how badly I was hurting and I could also see how I was hurting the people I loved most. I wanted the Lord to use me to break the chains of this cycle, I wanted codependency to end with me. I needed help to get started and so I have sought help. I have also shared this recovery journey with those close to me because it will take ongoing accountability and intentional healthy living, to stay sober from codependency.

Months ago Tyler and I had the privilege to sit with a mature couple in their marriage, faith walk and personal development journey and they shared so much wisdom with us in that meeting but one thing they discussed like I had never heard it discussed before, was sobriety. Most of us have something we struggle with that we need accountability for and need to intentionally live sober from. This requires that we care for ourselves and prioritise our needs and wants. In my codependency recovery I need to learn to live present, aware of my thoughts, desires and needs and I need to learn to first allow myself to feel them and acknowledge them and then share them and then the hardest part, do the work required to make them happen or create space for them. My mind sometimes lies to me and tells me I am selfish for wanting what I want and making space for it but that is a lie of the enemy. Things might get messy when I am being fully me, but the mess is not my responsibility, I can trust God with that and I can also trust Him to carry me as I boldly walk out who He created me to be. It is not my job to be perfect, God is perfect and so I can trust Him.

Romans 10:3-4 NLT

For they don't understand Gods way of making people right with himself. Refusing to accept Gods way, they cling to their own way of getting right with God by trying to keep the law. For Christ has already accomplished the purpose for which the law was given. As a result, all who believe in Him are made right with God. 

So here I am on this messy journey, in recovery from codependency and it is messy and I am making mistakes along the way but I am taking action and that's so empowering and exciting. I am overflowing with a joy for life that I haven't felt in a really long time and its because I am taking action and walking in my purpose. Walking in our God given purpose may be something we need to fight for daily but praise God for that fight because when we experience hardships we can have joy because its developing endurance in us and we need that endurance to fight the good fight in this life until we are called home to meet our Heavenly Father face to face where we hope to hear “well done good and faithful servant”.

I want to leave you with a few questions.

Is there something you want or need but you're not speaking it out because you think IT or YOU is too much?

Is there a behaviour in your life you need to begin a sobriety walk from?

Do you need help to get started?

As a Coach and woman of Christ walking by faith, I can help you, reach out heatherlapier@gmail.com

I understand how terrifying it is to ask for help and start the journey because I have been there. I want to confirm that you can do this and I am honoured to use my gifts to help you.

Lead the life you were made to live! You were made to live well.

LETS GROW

Heather