His Mercies Are New Every Morning

I am going to jump right in. I am trying to develop a new night time routine which includes time reviewing my to do list at the end of the day, to make sure I don’t go to bed leaving things undone, so that when I wake up in the morning my head is clear and ready for a new day.

Currently I am laying in bed with Evelyn to get her to sleep at night around 8:15pm - 8:30pm. This often has me feeling tired while laying with her and falling asleep. Bedtime is also stressful in our house a lot of nights (we are working on building a better night time routine for everyone but this is a challenge). The scene in my head of what we look like as a household at bedtime, goes something like - someone running around a pigpen trying to catch a pig and ride it, I am the person running around the pigpen trying to catch and ride a pig aka my children.

Once everyone is in bed, I am stressed and exhausted and so sleep is also a welcome escape, I no longer want to face the rest of the day. Add on top of that, any disagreements Tyler and I may have in the process of us trying to wrangle our three little pigs, I am just ready to check out.

So I often fall asleep and then wake up in the morning disappointed in myself for not keeping my promises to myself. In the heat of the bedtime moment, I make excuses like, I am tired, it was a big day, I have done enough, it can get done tomorrow, when I know full well, even just 15 mins of focused time each night can create the progress I am desiring.

This week was particularly emotionally exhausting and Tyler and I were experiencing a lot of friction. I wasn’t respecting the tasks he was trying to accomplish in the evenings and he was taking some work frustrations out on me, it was a recipe for disaster.

I have come to realize that one way codependency shows up in my life, is that when someones behaviour isnt what I wish it was, I use it as an excuse to make my own poor choices. Now, I want you to know I am not shoving my hurts, when Tyler hurts my feelings I acknowledge the hurt, take it to the Lord and seek my Heavenly Father for comfort. This isn’t perfect and sometimes it takes me a little bit of a hissy fit to get to God but I am making this my habitual response to being hurt.

This week, one night I used our marriage tiff as an excuse to check out with sleep and in the morning I saw my sin. I had gone to bed angry and I had used the excuse of Tyler not showing up how I wanted him to, as a reason to not do what I promised myself I would.

Lord help me! I am so grateful the Lord has revealed this to me because here is what I know, I do not want to base my ability to show up for my responsibilities, on the behaviours of others, its just far too unpredictable. I want to base my ability to show up, on who God is, like the old saying goes, if He calls you to it, He will see you through it.

I know life is hard and messy and if you live in a house with many people there are behaviours and emotions swirling around all day long and sister, you are one them too. But if we base our ability to show up for our calling, on how others show up for their day, we will be blown around in the wind like dust.

Isaiah 33:6

6 He will be the firm foundation for their entire lives. He will give them all of the wisdom, knowledge and saving power they will ever need. Respect for the LORD is the key to that treasure.

I want to ask you a question, are you using other peoples behaviours and choices as an excuse not to do something in your life that God is asking you to do? He is our firm foundation, we can trust Him for everything we need not other humans. It’s actually super unfair to even put those kinds of expectations on other people. As humans we will fail each other and hurt each other and within our closest most intimate relationships, where we are most comfortable, we probably will hurt each other the most and thats where we needs Gods grace the most.

2 Corinthians 12:9 RSV

but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

If you answered yes to my question, I want you to know you are not alone and Jesus can bring healing + restored energy + restored focus, to what He is calling you to do, if you trust Him. I don’t have the capacity for that kind of grace for other people but The Holy Spirit flowing through me does and I have a choice to activate that.

Another thing that helped me this week as I recognized sleep as a coping mechanism for stress in my life, is that I went back to when I first started using sleep to cope with stress. I was in high school when I started to use sleep to check out. I felt out of control. I was starting to plan my next steps after high school but I felt really alone and unsupported. I felt lost and detached and to gain control I started to restrict my diet, I developed an eating disorder as a coping tool and in addition to that, used sleep as a way to get through those dark and challenging days. I needed to remind myself this week through prayer and reading the Bible that I am not alone, I am never alone, the Holy Spirit is always with me.

John 14:16

16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—

Praise God for bringing me comfort and reminding me that I am not alone, I do not fight battles alone and I also don’t work alone, The Holy Spirit is always guiding and helping me. I am safe and free to be me. The coping behaviours of our past may have served a purpose in that season but now they could be hindering us and keeping us stuck where we are.

So next time you are feeling hurt or triggered, pay attention to your coping tools and then get curious about where they originated and do a little exploring. What do you need from your Heavenly Father to help you through? What do you need to tell yourself about your past circumstances, that are not relevant to your current circumstances? And what do you need to give yourself permission to let go of?

At the end of the week, after wrestling through all of this with God, I was able to to trust Him with some big action steps and I have a renewed sense of hope, energy and excitement that can only come from God! We can trust Him sisters, He is faithful and good!

Lamentations 3:22-23 RSV

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.

I am praying for you this morning as I share this story, that you feel safe and empowered to move forward and lead the life you were made to live, not becuase your circumstances are perfect but becuase the God that calls you is!

xoxo

Heather